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Форум портала «Миф» « The entire Silmarillion in one thousand words. »

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   The entire Silmarillion in one thousand words.
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   Автор  Тема: The entire Silmarillion in one thousand words.  (Прочитано 857 раз)
Исилендил
Гость

Е-мэйл

The entire Silmarillion in one thousand words.
« В: мая 21st, 2004, 11:15pm »
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(Взято с http://www.blind-guardian.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=19878)
THE ENTIRE SILMARILLION OF J. R. R. TOLKIEN IN ONE THOUSAND WORDS.  
 
 
AINULINDALE:  
 
ILUVATAR: Ahem.  
AINUR: Wow! Existence!  
ILUVATAR: *blows pitch pipe* LA!  
AINUR: LA LA LA!  
ILUVATAR: LA LA!  
AINUR: LA LA!  
MELKOR: This sucks. BUM BUM BA DUM!  
AINUR: Um. . . la?  
ILUVATAR: Ahem. LA!  
MELKOR: Boop bop-a-doo-bop!  
ILUVATAR: LA, dammit.  
MELKOR: Bwam bardle ningle boom.  
AINUR: . . .  
ILUVATAR: Right, you're out of the band.  
MELKOR: Fine, I was leaving anyway.  
AINUR: . . .  
ILUVATAR: What are you waiting for?  
AINUR: Oh. Right. Newly created world. Sorry. Great jam session, big guy!  
ILUVATAR: Yeesh.  
 
 
 
VALAQUENTA:  
 
MANWE: I'm in charge!  
VARDA: I'm Manwe's spouse. And queen of the stars!  
NAMO: I do death and fate. They call me Mandos.  
VAIRE: I'm Namo's spouse. I weave things.  
IRMO: I have gardens. They call me Lorien.  
ESTE: I'm Irmo's spouse. I take care of the gardens.  
YAVANNA: I make things grow.  
NIENNA: I'm sad.  
ULMO: I live in the ocean.  
AULE: I'm Yavanna's spouse. I've got a great big hammer! I made dwarves.  
NESSA: I dance.  
OROME: I hunt!  
VANA: I'm Orome's spouse. I make living things happy.  
TULKAS: I'm strong. I'm Nessa's spouse. I got here last.  
MELKOR: I'm bad, momma, I'm ONE BAD MUTHA-  
TULKAS: Grar.  
MELKOR: Um. Yeah. Hiding now.  
 
 
 
QUENTA SILMARILLION:  
 
VALAR: Hey! Ilmaren! Party on the island, everyone!  
MELKOR: Bah. Too bright. *builds fortress, kicks over lamps*  
VALAR: AUGH! *flee to west*  
MELKOR: Hu hu hu.  
VALAR: Oooooh SHINY TREES! Yavanna made shiny trees!  
YAVANNA: Yep! Aren't they pretty?  
MELKOR: Want shiny.  
VALAR: Nope.  
MELKOR: Why not?  
VALAR: Because you're a jerk.  
ELVES: Oh hey, stars. Shiny!  
MELKOR: Oh hey, breeding stock.  
ELVES: AUGH!  
UNGOLIANT: Want shiny.  
MELKOR: Let's go get shiny.  
FEANOR: I've made more shiny!  
VALAR: Good, 'cos Melkor took ours. Can we have yours?  
FEANOR: No! MY SHINIES! MINE!  
VALAR: Aw, !&*()!@&)!(&.  
MELKOR: Got the shinies!  
UNGOLIANT: Not enough shiny. Want more shiny!  
MELKOR: You can't have 'em.  
UNGOLIANT: Grar.  
MELKOR: Eeek! *runs*  
FEANOR AND SONS: We're gettin' our shinies back. And YOU CAN'T HAVE 'EM, Valar!  
MELKOR/MORGOTH: No you're not. *stabbity fiery burny death*  
BEREN: Ooo! Pretty elf lady!  
THINGOL: You can have her if you ... BRING ME A SHINY!  
BEREN: Worth a shot.  
LUTHIEN: La la la  
MORGOTH: Ooo baby... *zzz*  
BEREN: Got your shiny!  
MORGOTH: you BASTARD! I stole those fair and square!  
CARCHAROTH: Grar.  
BEREN: Ow!  
THINGOL: Got the shiny?  
BEREN: 's in my hand.  
THINGOL: And?  
BEREN: Hand's not here.  
THINGOL: Crap, I really wanted that shiny.  
CARCHAROTH: GRAR!!!!  
BEREN: *dies*  
LUTHIEN: *dies* La la la.  
MANDOS: ... oh all right.  
LUTHIEN: *returns to life*  
BEREN: *returns to life*  
LUTHIEN: Beren! Look! The shiny! In a necklace!  
FEANOR'S SONS: *mutter*  
LUTHIEN: *dies again*  
BEREN: *dies again*  
DIOR: Oo, Mom's shiny!  
FEANOR'S SONS: WANT SHINY!  
DIOR: *dies*  
ELWING: Eek! *grabs shiny, runs*  
FEANOR'S SONS: !*&(!)&)*!.  
EARENDIL: Hey. Nice shiny. Yo! Valar!  
VALAR: Well FINALLY. *stomp stomp stomp*  
EARENDIL: Wow, planetary orbit!  
MORGOTH: Eek!  
VALAR: Got your shinies!  
MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: You mean OUR shinies!  
VALAR: Oh *!&(!&).  
MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: Ow! Burny shinies!  
MAEDHROS: Fine. This sucks. *jumps into chasm*  
MAGLOR: Um... not really looking forward to meeting Dad again... *chucks shiny into sea* Bye. *wanders off*  
VALAR: Well... um... okay.  
 
 
 
AKALLABETH:  
 
VALAR: Thanks for helping with Morgoth, Edain! Have an island! Elros is in charge!  
EDAIN: Cool!  
VALAR: Don't come looking for us.  
EDAIN: Okay.  
ELVES OF TOL ERESSEA: Have our stuff!  
NUMENOREANS: Neat! Ooo, Middle-Earth!  
GIL-GALAD: Dudes. Good to see you.  
NUMENOREANS: Yeah, same here. What's going on?  
GIL-GALAD: War with Sauron mostly.  
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Shiny tall wonderful wise sea-king dudes! Yay!  
NUMENOREANS: Here, have some stuff and wisdom.  
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: <3 <3 <3  
NUMENOREANS: Life is cool. Why do we have to die?  
ELVES: You're human?  
NUMENOREANS: Can the Valar fix that?  
VALAR: No.  
NUMENOREANS: That sucks. Go away.  
ELVES: Fine.  
ELENDILI: Hey! Over here! We still like you!  
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Gosh, we're lonely.  
NUMENOREANS: Whatever, give us your wealth and your children.  
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Um, okay.  
ELENDILI: This isn't gonna end well, is it?  
ELVES: No.  
TAR-PALANTIR: We're sorry?  
GIMILKHAD: *I'm* not.  
AR-PHARAZON: Thanks for the throne, dude.  
TAR-MIRIEL: Hey!  
AR-PHARAZON: Shaddap, woman. Sauron, j00 suxx0r! I 0wnz0r j00!  
SAURON: Okay.  
AR-PHARAZON: Make me immortal.  
SAURON: Human sacrifice is good. Also burn that pesky white tree.  
AR-PHARAZON: Um. . .  
ISILDUR: Hey! White tree! Got your fruit!  
SAURON: *makes chicken noises*  
AR-PHARAZON: Fine. Tree burn! Fire pretty!  
ELENDIL: Isildur, Anarion, get the boats.  
AR-PHARAZON: I've got a huge navy! Let's go conquer Valinor!  
VALAR: Oh no you don't. *CRASHBANGBOOM*  
AR-PHARAZON & CO.: Eeek!  
ELENDIL, ISILDUR, ANARION: Wheee!  
NUMENOREANS: Arrgh!  
NUMENOR: SPLOOSH.  
SAURON: Bwa ha ha! Um, where's my body?  
ILUVATAR: Did I mention the world is round now?  
NUMENOREANS IN EXILE: Well, crap.  
 
 
 
OF THE RINGS OF POWER AND THE THIRD AGE:  
 
ELVES: Wonder what's going on over the ocean. This crafting deal is pretty sweet, though!  
DWARVES: Yeah, seriously.  
ANNATAR: Hi, elves! Wanna learn some cool stuff?  
ELVES: Okay!  
SAURON: They fell for it.  
SEVEN DWARVES: Thanks for the rings! . . oooh, GOLD! MUST HAVE GOLD!  
NINE MEN: Neat rings. . . Hey, didn't Mom die like six hundred years ago?  
CELEBRIMBOR: Okay, how about we do three more and call it a wrap?  
SAURON: How about I do one more and claim them ALL?  
ELVES: AUGH!  
SAURON: Bwa ha ha!  
LAST ALLIANCE OF ELVES AND MEN: Push off.  
SAURON: Make me.  
ISILDUR: Whack.  
SAURON: Ow.  
ELROND: Hey, you got his ring. Let's ditch it.  
ISILDUR: No.  
ELROND: This sucks.  
ISILDUR: Tell me about it. *dies*  
GONDORIANS: *change calendar*  
CIRDAN: Hi, wizards! You in the grey, catch!  
SAURON: Okay, that's long enough. Movin' into Dol Guldur.  
SARUMAN: It's not him. Also the ring's lost at sea.  
RING: No I'm not.  
THE WISE: Augh.  
THE WEAK: Bad ring! Volcano for you!  
RING: *melts*  
SAURON: AUGH!  
MORDOR: BOOM.  
GONDORIANS: *change calendar*  
ELROND, GALADRIEL: Road trip!  
GANDALF: Hi Cirdan! Still got your ring!  
CIRDAN: Cool. Let's go to Valinor!
« Изменён в : мая 21st, 2004, 11:17pm пользователем: Isilendil » Зарегистрирован
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